CLEVERBOT AND WILD BOYS

| Show Posted by Matt Cohen

I thought I’d give the new Wild Boys show on Channel Seven a chance. I wanted to like it. I wanted to support something on Australian television…

… I ended up just screaming at the television in frustration:

“WHY IS EVERYONE SO STALE?”

“WHY THE HELL IS IT SHOT LIKE THIS?!?!”

But wait, how can I think this? Especially when The Age reported:

“… Wild Boys, a gorgeously shot, blockbuster production that will be Seven’s Sunday-night anchor for the remainder of 2011”

Read more: Wild Boys – The Age

No, sorry, Sarah Smith and Julie McGauran- creators of other such unoriginal content like Rescue Special Ops, All Saints and Rush – what we have here is a failure to communicate with the growing intelligence of the Australian audience. What we end up with is a bunch of horribly stale actors performing stereotyped and uninteresting one-dimensional characters that have been reused in every Southern Star production to date.

The Age quoted Wild Boys as “gorgeously shot” – that just goes to show that no-one during this production had ever seen something substantially artistic. You want something gorgeously shot? Well, you turn to Terrence Malick’s Days Of Heaven, or even change the channel to Deadwood, The Walking Dead or Breaking Bad.

The producers seem to have signed every actor out of NIDA or VCA; they all characterise and vocalise exactly the same. I guess that’s what you get when schooling is considered “breaking a person down to their core, then rebuilding them,” – ridiculous. The writing is also seemingly produced from Cleverbot, an online AI program.

Wait, I actually just stumbled upon a Southern Star confidential transcript on Wikileaks:

Other “ripper” one liners were:

“When did you last take a bath?”

Cunningly replied to with,

“Nah, mate, that’s definitely you”

Wow. The situation begged for something a bit more substantial; they were seemingly about to be killed by the new unattractive and villainous police officer, who actually isn’t that evil, just some dude…

”We were very conscious not to make Jeremy’s character two-dimensional,” Smith (the show’s creator) says. ”While he’s seen as the tough lawman you might love to hate, there is more to him than just being a baddie in a policeman’s uniform.”

Again, Channel Seven turned to Cleverbot:

“Where is he? “

“Dead… or he soon will be…”

“They’re probably in Victoria by now…suits them though, bunch of ferals south of the Murray”

Yes, as you can tell, this is a New South Wales production. Let’s just kick Melbourne in the balls to get a few more Sydney idiots tuning in. Where did they get this information from? Is there anything actually historically accurate about this show? They do mention the gold rush, so I assume it’s set in the Ballarat Gold Rush period. Even a simple Wikipedia search gathered this little historical fact for me:

“In 10 years the Australian population nearly tripled from the Ballarat gold rush, at its peak some two tonnes of gold per week flowed into the Treasury Building in Melbourne. Melbourne was a major Boomtown during the gold rush. The city became the centre of the colony with rail networks radiating to the regional towns and ports. Melbourne became one of the great cities of the British Empire and the world.”

Feral, huh?

But wait- they just used Cleverbot for this one as well!

Wild Boys, please save yourself some time- you’ll get a richer experience and more character development watching the Sovereign Hill night-time Eureka Stockade… hey, why isn’t there a television show about that, a significant event in Australian history, rather than this piece of shit? It already matches up to the Southern Star Productions mantra:

“Well, we have to produce something… right?”


Some viewer comments so far:

“Daniel MacPherson? Fucking hell, my nanna’s tougher than Daniel MacPherson.”

“ THESE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT RESCUE SPECIAL OPS TO THE SCREEN. THEY SHOULD BE SENT TO GULAG IN SOVIET RUSSIA.”

“Wild boys, razor, all we need is Wilfred and it’d be a hat trick of great Aussie dramas. Love it all”

Cleverbot’s comments: